5/20/2021 - current




june 10,2021-
listening to a kids show while my child sleeps. got a labelmaker, have no idea what to do with it. gotmy sono for my lymph node, and im cancer-free. going over to my mom's tonight so supervise her after surgery

june 6, 2021-
runny nose. drinking cokezero and want to go to tryhackme later. surfing the web,looking for a new computer. i have 4G RAM AND I JUST CAN'T COPE.. Not to mention, but my spacebar is questionable.It barely works. I have to go back in my text to reinsert spaces or else It would be forever to finish a damn sentence. Having an ok day. Was in a lot of pain earlier. Feeling good mentally. Hacked my first machine yesterday!

june 4, 2021-
got a sonogram formy lymph node on the 9th. i feel like everything will seem ok. but at the end of the day, i still deal with unbearable symptoms that have no answers.
(((bad day)))

may 26, 2021-
Got my first keylogger script off a codebank thinggggyyy. I'm going to ask my mom if she would like me to get her phone logged so we have an ongoing record of her usernames and passwords. (She will randomly forget them.) If not, I will definitely download it on my phone to putz around and see how it works.
(((good day)))

may 24, 2021-
Today is my anniversary with my partner. Very excited!

may 23, 2021-
E-mailed my rabbi. He's apparently transferring to a senior rabbi position out of state... oooof. Anywayz, my tooth and mouth in general ache today. And I'm pretty sure I had an ovarian cyst rupture earlier. Also, I'm nauseous. And I've decided to ignore the previous supposition that I may have lymphoma. Fuck it if I do, because there's no point in thinking I do without an official diagnosis. I am such a hypochondriac... anywho.... I have no appetite but I'm not depressed. The Abilify is working to stave off psychosis. I should be better soon.
(((bad day)))

may 22, 2021-
Today is Shabbat. I'm choosing to use the internet. In other news, I need to attend Havdalah services tonight, as I have continuously- without FAIL- missed the past two weeks of services. Shabbat,Torah study, Morning Shabbat services, AND Havdalah. That's eight times I've missed connecting with the Tribe. Also, yesterday I wrote that I was looking into edgier haircuts... within a few hours after that, I gave myself Bettie Page bangs. So far, I like them.
Night sweats last night. Feverish today.
(((neutral day)))

may 21, 2021-
Went to the dispensary. Been looking into edgier haircuts, perhaps an undercut. IDK about a mohawk??? I'd have to ask my boyfriend for advice first though, because I'm still relatively undecided and could use a second viewpoint.

may 20, 2021-
Today was a good day. I attended an AA meeting, went to the mall, and had fun. I'm currently wearing my favorite hoodie. Worried about lymphoma or some shit. The doctor said my arm thing was probably just a superficial cancer but it also looks like merkel cell skin cancer... which metastisizes to the lymph nodes. I've had this skin thing for like a decade now. And I show symptoms of lymphoma (shivering chills and pouring sweat)... sometimes throughout the day but usually at night. I also have lumps in my leg.